


All The Things That You Never Ever Told Me

by StaringGoldenDaggers



Category: 1917 (Movie 2019)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Crying, Ghosts, Lots of it, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Tear Kisses, pretty sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaringGoldenDaggers/pseuds/StaringGoldenDaggers
Summary: Blakefield Kisstober 2020: Day 4 [Tear Kisses]Tom comes to Will for a final goodbye...
Relationships: Tom Blake/William Schofield
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30
Collections: Blakefield Kisstober 2020





	All The Things That You Never Ever Told Me

Will closes his eyes, vaguely aware of the noise around him, screams of dying or wounded, orders of medics and lieutenants. The sun has broken through the clouds, casting everyone in her pale morning light, the Lance Corporal lifts his head ever so slightly, hoping to catch the littlest of warmth from the measly rays of sunshine. 

For the first time in what seems like so long, Schofield rests, his hands neatly folded around photographs of his sister and nieces and his back resting against an oak tree. _It should have been another oak tree, one far from here_ , he wishes wistfully, he tries to push away the thought of the fellow soldier that used to sit beside him at that other oak tree. Everything had changed so soon, to quickly, like he was woken from a dream and plunged into a nightmare. And what a nightmare it had been.

He lost his only friends from home at the Somme. But the feeling of Blakes life slipping through his fingers, his guilt clinging on his heart like Tom’s blood had to his hands, it was the difference between lost and losing.

He had only known of their passing after the fact, it had hurt but he knew he could only grieve then, they were lost. Losing was _‘Am I dying?’_ , losing was _‘Will you write my mum for me?’_. Precious life slipping away while you could only watch and stay strong for them in their final moments; Trying to still your trembling hands and biting back your sobs while you could feel your face heat up while tears build behind your eyes.

_It should have been me_ , Will ponders bitterly for the second time that day, the first time directly after placing Tom at his final resting place with the help of the Privates. Will hopes someone would bury his Blake for him, so he wouldn’t be left to decompose alongside a dog and a German. His Blake who lifted the mood of tired and cold soldiers with a funny story from home, all while Will was sulking in his own misery. His Blake who should have been here with his brother and not rotting by an abandoned farm. The world could go on without Will, but Will, and so many others could not go on without his Tom Blake.

Will wishes he had told Tom how much he meant to him, that he didn't just see him as a friend, how his heart swelled, and his skin tingled whenever he was close. Or when he smiled.

Will wasn’t sure if he could call himself a coward for never confessing his love. Why would someone so bright and full of life fall for his gloomy pessimistic self? No, Tom would have gone home after this bloody war would’ve finally ended and found himself a lucky girl, William Schofield only becoming a distant memory of miserable times.

William Schofield hadn't realized that the noises of horror in de background had faded, making place for the soft rustling of grass and oak leaves here and there the occasional chirping bird.

This wasn’t right.

Will snaps his eyes open and shoots up, his breath hitches in his throat. His eyes franticly scanning his surroundings, snapping from spot to spot without really seeing. His mind to disordered to form visions from the colours and shapes his eyes catch. Breathing heavily and confused Will slouched against the oak tree, he squeezed his eyes shut and opens them again, hoping it would’ve somehow cleared his vision.

His heart stops, no medic tents, no men, he was alone.

The wildflowers at his right side looked like the ones at his oak tree, far away… Expect, those were his wildflowers, this was his tree. He slowly started recognizing everything else around him, so different now no tents or soldiers were tainting the sight.

Tears prickled in his eyes; his heart had started beating again and was now going so fast that he feared it might break out of his chest. The world was playing tricks on him. As if he hadn't suffered enough today.

“You’re finally awake.”

Will didn't move, didn't breathe, that voice scared him, made him want to tear up all over again as he had done at the river.

“Tom?” Will’s voice was hoarse, filled with unspoken sadness and a sliver of hope. Still, he did not dare to turn around, he could’ve sworn there was no one before.

A hand on his shoulder, a violent sob left his throat. William Schofield turned around in a quick motion, his mind letting loose of the lunacy of the situation.

Tom Blake was beside him, the same grin and the same messy brown hair, his face clean of mud and blood. Tears trickled down Will’s face in a steady stream, sobs mixing with his unbelieving laughs. Will's happiness takes utter and complete hold of him and without a second thought, he reaches out and cups Tom's face in his hands. His thumps slowly grazing over the young man's cheekbones, at the time, Will didn't register how cold they felt.

He only cared that he could feel Tom, that he was real.

Tom let out a chuckle and wraps his fingers around Will’s wrists, Will feels his stomach drop at the thought Tom might pull his hands away, not having any desire for Will’s touch. But it seems that Tom held Will’s wrist so he couldn’t move away.

They stare at each other for a few moments, blue eyes on blue eyes, two hearts beating together. Will lets go of Tom’s face and wraps his arms around the other boy’s shoulders, pulling him tightly against his chest. Will feels Tom press his cheek against his uniform and wrap his arms around his torso, oddly enough Tom didn’t give off any heat. Although Will didn’t realize this. For Tom was the warmth of a Spring day and a mother’s smile, and in Will’s mind he would always be, so why would he try to verify something he already thought was true.

Tom pulled away, a gloomy look replacing his grin, sadness overtook him, the crinkles his eyes made when he laughed smoothing over like they were never there in the first place. 

Will sees now that Tom looks different, yes, the mud, grime and blood that tainted the skin of every soldier at the front was gone but Tom wasn’t only clean; he looks otherworldly. His skin was pale, so thin and white that Will can see the blue veins cross over his spotless and smooth cheeks, down his neck.

A frown grew on Will's face and it felt as if a heavyweight was dropped on his stomach, he squeezes his eyes close once again and turns his head away.

‘You’re not real.’ Will says more to himself then to the _Thing_ before him, his voice soft all hope he had left seeping out. His mind was playing a trick on him, a very cruel and realistic one. Will moved away from the Things cold figure, he only now feels the chill on his fingertips, wrists and chest where this imposter and made contact with him.

‘No Will, I’m real.’ The thing speaks, its voice panicked and face cracking open in worry. It tries to move closer to him, tries to reach for Will’s hand. Will quickly moves his arm out of the things reach and jumps to his feet unproblematically, he isn't dizzy from his head wound nor tired or weighed down by his once soaked uniform, or what had been left of it at the time.

Will hesitantly brushes his fingers along the base of his skull, where the young French girl had wiped the blood away. His fingers only felt soft skin and short hair, no blood or wound. He looks at his left hand, his hand, once wrapped in dirty bandages and probably infected was clean, completely spotless. Not only the nasty wound of the barbed wire had disappeared, but also every single scar he had acquired over his life was gone. He felt his cheek, smooth, clean, _wrong_.

Will and looks down at Tom, no not Tom, _Tom_ had flushed cheeks and freckles that were placed on his skin like sun kisses. This Thing was a ghost of what Tom had been. The Thing didn’t make the attempt to stand, its eyes cast down, watching Its fingers fumble with the rings on his hand.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that all alone Scho.” It speaks suddenly, Tom, _It_ looks up, blue eyes clouded with sadness. A shaky breath leaves its lips and It lifts itself from the ground, hand pressed against the oak tree for support.

A humourless laugh leaves its lips, blue eyes gazing along the green grass and wildflowers before settling at the oak tree. “I brought you here because I hoped it would ease your mind…Our place.”

“What are you?” Will’s voice trembles, it’s all too much. So many feelings and words swirl around in his head, but his brain doesn’t latch on to any of them, doesn’t form them into sentences or thoughts, leaving him empty and dazed.

“Will…" Will can hear that Its voice is on the edge of breaking, but It is still trying to sound gentle and comforting. It comes closer to him, Will doesn't move away this time, he is too tired to try and wishes he could go back to moments ago when he was happy for the few seconds fate had granted him. He feels cold hands on his upper arms, right above his elbows, they hold him gentle but firm enough that he would have to rip his arms away if he wanted to escape. "I-, I know I shouldn't have brought you here, should have let you go but I couldn't, I wanted to see you one last time before I go," It says, attempting to form a smile, but his lips quivered, and their corners turned down.

Will’s mind and heart fought. One trying to clear the cloud of nothingness still fogging his brain with reason, the other hopelessly holding on to the belief that this was just a cruel fabrication of his grieve riddled mind. Will hopes it was the later. He knew that the moment he acknowledged that the real Blake was standing before him he would never want to let him go again. 

One of the hands that had held his arm moved upwards, cold and soft fingers grazing along his jaw before cupping it tenderly, a thump slides along his cheek.

Will’s last defences fell back, shuddered and completely broke down, left him bare and heartbroken. This was his Blake, pale and frigid because he was _dead_. It felt as if had come back to haunt him, to remind him of his mistakes. _Look at me Will, this is what has become of me_.

Tom could read his mind it seemed because he now also cupped Will’s other cheek and brings his face closer to his own, making Will look him in the eyes.

"This isn't your fault, Will." His voice is firm but holds a certain tenderness to it. "This isn't your fault," Tom repeats, to make sure Will was truly listening to him.

Tom had come back to this earth to say a final goodbye, to make sure Will wouldn't beat himself up over his death for all his years left on this earth. Tom had come back to him.

_“I love you.”_

It slipped out between Will’s lips before he could stop it, his heart skips a beat and starts beating concerningly fast. Relief is what he feels at first, then as soon as it came it leaves and makes place for fear. Fear for rejection and anger, for disgust, but above all of that, he feared that Tom would not say anything and just leave him. Disintegrate before him and in the blink of an eye sent Will back to the wrong oak tree with an even bigger hole in his heart.

He pulls his face out of Tom’s hands, that had been frozen in place, and took a step back.

"I- I didn't mean to…" He spoke quickly after his confession, stumbling over his words, he looks away, not daring to look Tom in the eyes. "It just happened; it was never my intension…" _Please don't leave me_ , Will had wanted to add but before he could utter another word Tom takes his jaw in his hand again and pulls him down.

Tom’s lips press softly against Will’s. Tom holds Will’s face like one would hold a glass figurine. Careful since it might crack between your fingers if you’re too rough, but at the same time, you lock it in a steady grip so it wouldn’t be able to slip and explode in little pieces on the floor.

Will’s heart seems to melt in his chest, filling him with warmth. At first, he’s unable to move, overwhelmed with the sensation of utter liberation. 

He soon regains control over his body and places his hands at the back of Tom's neck, gripping into the short hairs at the nape. Pulling him closer, as close as he can be.

_This is what they could have been_.

Will pulls back and lets his forehead rest against Tom’s. They both close their eyes and think about all that had been lost, for they could have never loved each other openly, but never even got the chance to do it secretly.

And they will never get the chance again.

_Not in this life._

“I love you too.”

Tom's voice held a smile and Will could feel the sharp exhale of a short laugh on his face. Their hands drop from each other's face and neck and securely wind around the torso of the other. Will rests the side of his face on the crown of Tom’s head, his soft hair tickling his cheek.

They stand there for a few short moments, but for Will, it feels like an eternity of time, but not enough to make up for all the time they didn't get to have.

Will is still aware of the situation, but the pain is dulled by Tom’s body pressed against his and the utter and complete happiness that fills him because of it. Soon Tom would have to leave him, whatever he liked it or not, he was dead and would join the others like him in the undying lands. _He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t let him go._

Will wishes he could go with him, and even if he believed it should have been him instead of Tom, he just couldn’t end it all himself. Tom didn’t deserve it and neither did his sister or mother. Tom would feel like he had done it to be with him and even if that were true no one deserves to live an entirety knowing what their loved one had done to be with them.

He didn’t think of his family often anymore, it hurt too much, but he still wanted to see them again. Hold his mother, tease his sister and ruffle the hair of his little nieces after three long years. And they would’ve earned to see him again after they had spent all those years knowing that every day, they could receive a letter bearing the news of his death.

“I wish I could fight this war with you, that you didn’t have to do this all alone. But I know you’re strong Will, stronger than you know you are, and equal amounts of brave. You will survive.”

Will knew Tom was so close to saying goodbye forever, his knees buckled, and it became harder to breathe every second, _he wasn’t ready, but he should be_. Tom notices how Will’s body fails him. He lifts his head from where it had rested against Will’s chest and loosened one of his arms from their grip around Will’s torso to take his hand.

After giving Will a comforting smile and a hand squeeze Tom lead him back to the oak tree, identical to their own. Wordlessly they sat down against the bark, close together, like they would have never dared to in the world where they came from. Tom wraps his right arm around Will’s shoulders while the other still holds Will’s hand, his thump moving calming circles on the back of his hand.

It didn’t work.

Will’s breathe is still irregular and shuddering, even Tom couldn’t keep Will’s mind distracted from what was coming like he was able to mere seconds ago. Time was moving to fast.

Will let his head fall on Tom’s shoulder, he can feel his tears soak his uniform and it broke his heart. Tom wondered if he should even have taken Will here, it would’ve been easier to let him go. Now, knowing that he would leave someone behind that loves him just as abundant as he did him, he can’t bear the thought. It would be worse for Will, Tom knew that, and he _so_ was sorry.

Will presses his head deeper in to Tom's shoulder and starts sobbing, the transition from silent tears to body wracking sobs ruptures Tom's heart in two, it makes him want to throw up. The sound is so horrible he wishes he were deaf. But he stays strong, for Will, he was the one that had to go back to a world of war and death while Tom could know peace from now on until the end of time.

Tom takes Will’s red blotched face between his hands, Will’s eyes have never been so blue before, accentuated by his red, his eyes shined brighter than a flare in the night sky.

Tom places a kiss on a tear that falls from Will's eyes. Will’s breath hitches and he swallows a sob. Tom feels Will’s hands on his sides, gripping his uniform so hard that he is sure Will’s knuckles must have turned white by now.

Tom places another on his other cheek, and after that one on the bridge of Will’s nose before continuing capturing Will’s hot tears between his lips. Going more up with every kiss until he catches the tears from the eyelashes of Will’s closed eyes.

After Tom pulls back a little, content now Will’s body and breathing have calmed, Will opens his eyes. Their gaze is soft as they look over Tom’s face, Will brushes a stray hair out of the way before tilting Toms chin with the same hand and placing a kiss on his lips.

It was deeper than the first one, but still slow, they didn't want to rush. Not even now time was running out faster and faster.

"I wish I was able to love you like this sooner," Will says, his voice hoarse and saddened, with a small smile on his lips that reflects more guilt then it does happiness.

“Love isn’t only physical Will, it was you sharing your food, laughing at my stories and staying with me when a whole mineshaft collapsed on you, you didn’t have to, it wasn’t about your brother.” Tom pauses and places a kiss on Will’s cheek. “I will always remember you comforting words and touches that you gave me when I needed them the most. Love is everything you did for me and everything you would have done had things gone differently," Tom assures him before pressing another kiss to Will’s lips.

After a fleeting moment, Tom pulls back, places a kiss on Will's forehead, like a promise this wasn't the end. It may be their end in the realm of the mortals, but they would find each other again.

“Now go love and be loved, for me, for you deserve it. I will see you again my brave one. Soon, but hopefully not too soon.” With those words Will’s eyes unexpectedly became heavy, the most sudden and demanding fatigue falling over him. Between heavy blinks, his eyes get the last glimpses of Tom Blake, blue eyes and messy hair, a sad smile and the lonely tear on his cheek. 

His eyes close completely and he falls asleep in Tom's cold arms. Like he had held Tom once before. A life time ago. When they where surrounded by embers.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so proud of this you can't even imagine 
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3
> 
> title is from ‘The Ghost of You’ by My Chemical Romance


End file.
